EatSleepLove; like no tomorrow

I hope he gets me something g for my birthday. Nothing for my 16th and nothing for Christmas. I would honestly be so disappointed if he doesn’t. I just pray that he does. Take me out to dinner on a date, something. I would love to see what he comes up with. If anything at least. 😕

I honestly hate what you have become. It’s not the person I met for the first time. I never want to hang out with you anymore cause almost every single time the we have there’s something bad involved. I still want to be in your life and I want you to be in mine. But that isn’t going to happen because you started hanging out with others that have more to offer. I’m no saint, but I like to have a good rep. I love you, but I’m not sure how this is going to go. 😔

I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to go through the pain but I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of not being held on a Friday or Saturday afternoon. I want to see him and be so happy like we were but it’s just not going to get better. I try so hard and I know he does too I love him but I know he doesn’t love me anymore. I never feel the connection that we had. Last time that I felt something near it was at prom. Then it all wend away when we did kiss and when I saw him with Danielle. He would choose her over me any day I bet. I want to be loved again. No, I want to be happy again. Not alone, but with him. Honestly, I don’t know what’s going to happen. He says that I have total control over whether we end or not this time so he doesn’t so it over some silly reason. I don’t know if I can handle that kind of power. My heart is telling me so much I don’t know what to do. I can no longer say that he’s my best friend. I can no longer say that I’m in Love with him. All I can say is that were dating. Is that right? Is that what’s suppose to happen? Or is it a sign? A sign saying that I should move on, your crying is over with. You deserve a hug, a kiss, but more importantly-a friend. I want to be with him more than anything. But is it worth it? The tears, the disappointment, the wait? My heart is telling me no, but my soul is telling me yes. I don’t know what to follow. If I even think about ending this I cry. But if I continue to go through the tears what’s the difference? I love this boy to death. He treats me like a queen…..when he wants to. Which is on a very rare occasion you can say. I have so much with this boy I font want to let it go. But if there’s no connection, why bother? Me heart doesn’t know. I can’t physically do it. I know it’s coming but when? When is the question. The wait is what’s stabbing me like a thousand rusty blades. I feel like a cutter, knowing the pain. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. Unbearable. I can’t hate to leave him, but for my own sake is it worth it?
My heart says yes
But my soul says no
Which do I follow?